Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
