After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
