I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
