i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
