Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
