Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's rum buckets o'clock
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
