i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
