Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
