Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
