are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
