The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
