i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
