I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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