I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
