i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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