Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
