I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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