You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
