Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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