My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
