It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
