is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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