Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
