I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
