Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
