its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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