I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
