Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
