i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
