I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
