Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
