apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
