you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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