I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
