I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are all done wearing pants today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
