she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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