I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
