We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
