Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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