Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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