I think I am morally bankrupt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
