And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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