i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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