Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
