My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
