no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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