I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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