I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
