there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
