k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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