we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
