three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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