I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
