I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
