or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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