Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
