ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
time to smoke my breakfast
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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