This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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