We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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